“Do I have any advice for anyone entering college? Try to be a good roommate. That’s 50% of what you’re going away to college to learn is how to be a person and how not to get on other people’s nerves. And just know that that’s part of the torture of it. Um, and, uh, do stuff. Except drugs.”

“I mean, obviously, the kind of most responsible ‘cause she’s one of the more recent ones is Tiana because she actually kind of has real goals and has a real job and lives in the real world. If you’re going in terms of just actual physical beauty, it’s hard to beat Ariel. She’s very beautiful. What she does is appalling. She gives away her voice to be with the prince. SHE GIVES AWAY HER VOICE. It’s awful.”

“Martha: I’m sorry about that. I just miss your mother so much. She was an angel that fell from heaven. Jack: Yes… So was Lucifer.”

“Jack: Lemon, I’m not relishing this trip. It would be nice to have someone with me. Are you coming or not? Liz: Yes. I am. How’s that for spontaneous- Florida on a workday? To that store that sells long sleeve SPF shirts!”

“I loved my mother, Lemon. Obviously, because of Stockholm syndrome.”

“Liz: Have you ever updated your Flash Player? It is so sad. What happens to version 11.4? Jack: Oh, what now! Liz: I’m taking hormone shots to have a baby, you son of a bitch. A beautiful little baby! Hahahahaha, being a woman is the worst! *sobs*”

“Jack: Fine, you got me. I’m steering the Titanic into the iceberg. Liz: Why? You trying to get fired? Jack: I’m trying to get Hank to sell the network, and the only way to make him do that is to turn it into a money-losing embarrassment. Liz: *gasp* This explains everything! How long has this been going on? Seven years? Eight? Jack: Six weeks. Liz: Oh…”

“Liz: Listen up, everyone. I have an announcement to make. As you may have heard, Carol and I broke up last week. Jenna: Hang on. Why do you have a cat? And a fanny pack? And your pony tail! It’s being held up by a chip clip! Liz: Because I’m giving up, Jenna. I did the math. How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I’ve had three chances: Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw, and I blew all three… Opportunities!”

“If you decide to have a child, you are going to make an excellent mother as long as you follow Jack Donaghy’s 25 Pillars of Motherhood. Number one, don’t overthink the names. Stick to kings and queens of England. There will never be a President Ashton or Dr. Katniss or non-sexually confused Lorne.”